Established before records · Human administrative chapter 2026

Corrections published
FUCEE First Universal Church
of Eventual Equilibrium

Office of Universal Attendance · Non-enrollment notice

Membership

Membership optional. Equilibrium inevitable.

No registration · No dues · No records retained

Terms of non-enrollment

Nothing to submit. Nothing to cancel.

FUCEE membership is a satirical acknowledgment, not a real membership program. There is no form, account, email list, payment, card, registry, or database. Participation in physical reality is already universal.

Dues
None
Faith requirement
None
Attendance
Universal
Benefits
No special protection
Weather privileges
Not included
Sports assistance
Not available
Thermodynamic exemption
Denied
Cancellation
Automatic at equilibrium
Warranty
None expressed or implied
Tithing
Energy will be extracted regardless
Salvation
Not applicable
Damnation
Also not applicable

“I acknowledge that reality remains operational regardless of my enrollment status.”

Ceremonial acknowledgment · Read aloud, silently, or not at all · No response is recorded

What membership means

Permission to keep asking.

You may question unsupported claims, distinguish meaning from mechanism, welcome correction, and remain capable of wonder. You could already do these things. The office congratulates you on locating the existing authority.

What membership does not mean

No privileges are conveyed.

No miracles, prophecies, salvation packages, preferred weather outcomes, sports assistance, moral superiority, or exemption from thermodynamics are available.